Wait, Wiki What?

On Getting On The Good Foot & The Internet

I have a profile on wikiFeet. Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like - an encyclopaedia/directory of feet with people attached to them, to be rated and shared.

I am not there by choice.

But certain enthusiasts in the world have apparently spent time uploading photos of my ankles to the internet. I’m rated a 4 out of 5 and deemed to have ‘nice’ feet.

After a little research, I have discovered that in order for a person’s feet to be fair game for wikiFeet, the feet’s owners have to have a IMBb page. I am rated 93,069 on theIMBb star rating system, which I believe is based on the popularity of the projects you have been associated with, not on your talent.

There is also a wikiFeetX, which is again exactly what it sounds like, a place for dirty feet pics. The regular vanilla wikiFeet contains no nudity or sexual content, no pictures of feet owners under 17, and also photographs have to have been made freely available online. No creepy up sock shots here. According to an interview with the creator of the site, Eli Ozer, it’s all ‘about appreciating the symmetry and aesthetics of the foot’, and around 3 million viewers per month concur. Despite the passionate community, the vibe of the site feels like stepping back in time to the beginnings of the internet, its grey and boxy with no discernible graphic design elements or typography, and the very utilitarian interface is simply for rating and basic pertinent foot information. Ozer still manages moderating the site himself.

Selling pictures of your feet is apparently a surprisingly lucrative side hustle - but beware it often also comes with a healthy side serve of disturbing customers who want to hurt or otherwise control your feet. Though it seems like easy money at first glance, there are so many articles and explainers about avoiding scammers and other downsides when trying to sell pictures of your feet online. And everyone is welcome at the foot party - there are people that like pictures of men’s feet, feet with bunions, feet with broken ankles attached and more.

Pop singer Lily Allen has a rating of 5 on wikiFeet which she says is ‘very rare’. At the suggestion of her manicurist, Lily has started a foot photographs only account for subscribers on OnlyFans - her account subheading is a saucy ‘Just dipping my toes in’ and she has so far posted 55 pictures of her feet. In a NME interview she is quoted as saying ‘maybe there’s something in the power element of it that’s slightly kinky for me’ and that she is just ‘enjoying her day in the sun’.

Taylor Swift has over 5000 photographs of her feet attending various events and engaged in multiple activities that are rated 5, or ‘beautiful’ on wikiFeet, but she also has 241 photographs where her feet are rated 0, or ‘ugly’. I was happy to discover via this incredible resource that Taylor and I are the same foot size so if she ever wants to do a shoe chuckout (this is an Australian word for cleaning out your closets) I could be the lucky recipient. My friend Leesa used to be the lucky recipient of Cate Blanchett’s shoe chuckouts at one point in time long ago, which as you can imagine, were pretty fantastic. It truly is a wild world where wild things can happen. Never forget that.

With the state of independent music being what it is, I should probably consider writing a sexy song about feet or investing in some serious foot care rather than touring and recording.

Although, with my current net worth rolling in at $52million USD, fuck that.

I love the internet sometimes. Don’t forget to exfoliate friends!

Walk on, and you’re welcome.

Lo x

For more information about wikiFeet, try this Vice one, and this very funny interview with a man who uploads pictures of this journalist to wikiFeet.