Let Me Call You Sweetheart

On Fond Regard & Terms of Endearment In Culture & Song

A couple of mornings ago I wandered into a Cotton On store and wandered out with a t-shirt irrestibly emblazoned with ‘I Love Country Music’ (yes, Cotton On have gone full cowgirl and it ain’t half bad). The woman who served me at the counter was easily twenty years younger than me, but she called me sweetie three times, and I left feeling strangely touched, and weirdly impressed at her chutzpah.

I remembered that when I was still in high school I used to talk about how I couldn’t wait to be old enough to call somebody dear. It seemed like a privilege afforded only to women and men of a certain age, and I always wondered at what point the clock ticked over and gave you the right to use these words. I haven’t called anybody dear yet, though I guess I could by now, but I’ve got a feeling it’s not one of the affectionate terms that will end up in my lexicon.

Unlike many of my friends who found these terms of endearment patronising or creepy when we were younger, I always loved when my elders called me by these kinds of names; dear, darl, sweetheart, honey, pet, love, etc. Although there’s an inherent assumption in there, and we all know to assume makes an ass out of u and me, it feels somehow optimistic about human intent towards each other to me. It’s like saying I see your goodness.

It’s different with lovers. I always found baby problematic, despite using it myself in songs, probably just cos its seemed like the thing to do after years of listening and I guess I was trying it on for size, its not been something I’ve used or enjoyed as a recipient. I find it inherently infantilising, and that just seems weird with someone you want to make out with. Maybe its because I’m finicky with words. If it’s your loving word of choice, I’m not being judgemental, whatever works for you is beautiful, but it’s not for me. I have trouble singing those older songs of mine where I’ve dropped it in, though I love love love plenty of songs where other people sing it. Babe, on the other hand, I love to use, but generally just with my female friends, not as a romantic epithet. My opinion seems rather unpopular though, as the lyric “I just wanna love someone who calls me baby” in Chappell Roan’s ‘Good Luck Babe’ has become one of the most universally screamed lines in current memory.

However, ‘Baby’ by

Light in the Attic

artists Donnie & Joe Emerson (learn more about their amazing story here!) is one of my favourite songs in the world. It's one of those songs that I can’t just listen to once, I have to listen to at least five times in a row to let its beauty seep into every molecule of my body.

I also can’t get enough of Patsy Cline (or Candi Staton) singing ‘He Called Me Baby’ all night long.

I saw a little thing somewhere with Cate Blanchett where she said that her husband Andrew Upton calls her Poss, as in short for Possum. I thought that was pretty cute. Actually that reminds me I was with someone for a short while who used to call me little thing which seems really weird now. My beloved always calls me beautiful, which made me feel special until I realised he actually throws it around so much he probably says thanks beautiful to the postman too. But I’ll take what I can get and I still love it regardless.

Spending time in the American South was golden for me - on a daily basis I would be called doll, babycakes, sugar or sweet-pea by cashiers and bank tellers and waitresses of any age before been bade goodbye with a Have a Blessed Day! and I ate it all up. I also love pretentious New York slatherings of kid, baby, dahling dropped non stop, a la Breakfast At Tiffany’s, or any florid foreign language version of any of the above - call me querida, amore mio or mon petit chou fleur and I’m yours.

I find the modern common social usage of my loves and lovelies to strangers rather overly familiar and emotionally manipulative, although I appreciate that its probably well meaning. It’s hard to find a warm and friendly collective noun for a group of people - folks and everyone doesn’t always hit the spot.

Sweetheart is probably my favourite intimate term of affection, probably inspired by this dramatic death scene from The Rose where Bette Midler half sings ‘Let Me Call You Sweetheart’ that I used to play-act in my mind as a youngster.

I’m also a sucker for darlin’. The dropping of that superfluous ‘g’ seems to bring a romantic roll to the ‘r’ in the middle and an extra tenderness to the word.

Here’s some extra sweet inspiration from the one and only Big Maybelle, who calls her sugar candy, and candy’s always handy cos he’s got a sweet tooth for his sweetheart. Dr John also does a glorious version of this one.

Throw around the sweet words I say. Or maybe don’t. It’s a tricky one. What’s your terms of endearment terms & conditions?

Where’s everybody going?

Yours in fond regard til next time,

Lo x