Itchin' For A Hitchin'

On Custom Wedding Songs, Duets For One & Songwriters For Hire

My sister in law and her lovely girlfriend just got themselves married.

I had blithely promised to whip them up a wedding song, based on the excellent title they chose for their wedding playlist ‘Itchin' For A Hitchin' - which as we three are all united in a love of Dolly Parton, seemed to beg an attempt to write one of those late 60s-style Dolly tunes, full of winks and wit and double entendres, but with a knockout nugget of heartfelt truth in there.

I was pretty happy with my intro, which rolled round in my head for weeks with a sassy little melody:

It seemed like homespun honeyed wisdom would drip down from my mind with ease but despite writing more than ten other verses I had to come to terms with the fact that they were just not worthy. Here’s one particularly godawful stanza - the brides are from Canada and Lithuania respectively:

Well one is from the cold lands

And one hails from near the Pole lands

Ouch. And then I tried to get their professions in …

One can mix a fine brew

The other’s made some coding breakthroughs

I tried to make a joke based on the nationality of one of the brides …

But they won’t be sharing last names

Cos one’s Lith -u-anian

Kill me. I decided no song was better than a bad song. I abandoned the good ship Wedding Song and focussed on the actual tasks that were required of me which was making the salads and setting the nuptial table with all the pretty old vintage china that my other sister-in-law Biddy and I had spent weeks collecting and collating and borrowing from family members. It looked like a goddamn Pinterest masterpiece if I may say so myself. See?

The brides were way too busy having the time of their lives to care about my songwriting fail of course. Then as we walked home late that night, there was an actual love heart wrapped around an almost full moon in the navy blue sky.

When I woke up I realised what I’d been missing was the truth. I was trying to write a pastiche when I should have been writing a haiku. I was using a hammer instead of a needle. I thought about their vows and things they’d actually said to and about each other then I wrote a sort of duet in one voice.

It’s a bit wonky and could use some more work, some of the rhymes are out of kilter and clunky and it’s surely not the greatest song ever, but I think its kinda funny and it hits my sweet spot now cos it rings true. A little bit like a marriage really. Maybe its a work in a progress too.

Listen Here: Itchin’ For A Hitchin’ by Lo Carmen (recorded in one take at kitchen table with construction work next door and snoring cat)

If yer itchin' for a hitchin'

Then you can quit yer bitchin’

Somethin’s cookin’ in the kitchen

And love is in the air

You’re my favourite drinkin’ partner

My 2 am laughter

 My kitchen disaster

You’re everything to me

What is yours is mine, love

And yours is oh so fine love

When there’s turbulence above love

I know I’ve got your hand to squeeze

I’d love to sing a serenade 

But I fear the tides would be unswayed

And all the guests would run away

Who needs grand gestures anyway

But all the things you bring me

Like my morning coffee

And when we watch the hockey 

Means everything every day

You make my heart go oo-wee

Even when you talk through movies

Cos I’m just so glad you choose me

To brighten up your day

So I’ll leave the singing to you

And all of the cooking too

You’re the one I’m sticking to

Its just you, me and the world

We’re in it for the long game

Cos our love has lit a bright flame

Side by side, hand in hand

Its just you, me and the world

My dad also wrote a wedding song as a wedding gift for us when we got hitched in Zebulon, Georgia back in 2014, then he recorded it when he got home to Australia with all our family contributing and had our friend Dan Marando - who possesses one of my favourite voices in the world - over to the studio to sing it. It’s the the sweetest souvenir we could hope for.

Listen Here: Zebulon Wedding by Peter Head

A beautiful little wedding guest, my dad on piano and me taking any opportunity to sing, even at my own wedding

I’m thinking a custom wedding song is a pretty great tradition/new addition to bridal registries now and I’m seriously available - if you want to hit me up for wedding tune hire I’d be delighted. Hell, who am I kidding, I’m not fussy, I’ll write you a killer divorce kiss-off showtune too, or a bar mitzah banger or a dog birthday ballad.

Disclaimer: I can only write slow and slightly wonky songs … but I’ll put everything I got into it.

Yours in unchained melody and untamed rhyme,

Lo

PS I really do need work and I’m cheap and cheerful.